One of the Most Important Questions You Can Ask When Reading with a Child
Right now, my eleven-year-old daughter is finishing up Dusti Bowling’s novel ACROSS THE DESERT. The story centers on Jolene, a young girl determined to find her friend who’s lost, and possibly injured, in the Arizona desert. As we read together, we wonder about Jolene, about her motivations, her strengths, her flaws, and if she will, in fact, reunite with Addie, the character who’s missing. When we’re casually chatting about Jolene and Addie, we’re actually talking about so much more than the characters and their experiences. The conversations always grow when I ask this one, simple question.
How does the character feel?
Here’s why this question matters:
1.Understanding the emotional journey of a character helps children interpret their own emotional journey. If they connect with a character’s feelings, they feel less alone and also more in-tune with their own inner lives. Afterall, self-discovery is a cornerstone of childhood.
2.Identifying another person’s feelings helps a child foster empathy, arguably the most important emotion we can have if we want a more compassionate world. In validating or understanding a character’s feelings, they also learn that their own emotional journey deserves recognition, too.
3.Deciphering how someone feels and questioning if we might feel the same way, helps us understand that everyone approaches circumstances differently and that’s okay. Sometimes, there is no one right way to respond. Approaching someone’s response with understanding, rather than judgment, cultivates kindness.
4.Wondering about a character’s reaction keeps us curious about feelings and emotions. Practicing open conversations about emotional reactions can help kids regulate when they feel dis-regulated. Books help us practice a language for feelings that we can rely on when we aren’t sure how to communicate.
There’s no doubt that reading strengthens emotional intelligence. Countless studies suggest that reading out loud to kids sets them up for success in school and beyond. Recently, Common Sense Media, a parenting resource, published a piece outlining ten reasons why reading with kids is beneficial. Asking this one, simple question can enrich the experience even more!
Next time, when you’re reading together, simply pause and ask, “how do you think the character feels in this moment?” To keep the discussion going, try asking “would you respond like she did? Why or why not?”
This powerful question will not only change the way a child reads, but also change the way they think about their relationship with themselves, with you, with their peers, and with their ever-changing world.
Try it.
